Things to celebrate
I'm coming up on 3 months and I'm not enjoying sobriety. I told The Boxer yesterday at church that Satan had been chipping away at me this week. Stupid little things like flipping to Fox, looking for the late baseball game (forgetting it was on ESPN) and finding an ad for a phone-sex service. Phone sex has never been my thing. I'm all for, as Toby Keith sang back when he pretended to have talent, "A little less talk and a lot more action." So I started thinking about ways I could get some action.
That's just one example. It has dominated my thoughts like a nagging mother. Trying not to overanalyze, some of the reasons for this sucky week include:
1.) It's just habit and my cycle is coming around again;
2.) I've made close friends with a woman who I think is stunning, and we've shared some intimate (non-sexual) time together. There's some middleschool-style ambiguity (at least on my part), and it's getting my motor running.
So I've got no way to satisfy my sex drive other than making shower babies (thank God showers can't have babies, or I would have to work 4 jobs to pay child support). Jerking off is a really sucky substitute (also another reason to be thankful ... I hope), and so the whole porn-as-a-way-to-get-my-orgasm-fix is really bothering me. (Masterbation is an issue for another post.)
What I have decided to do as a way to encourage myself, is to share with you, and myself, all the things I am thankful that I have not had to deal with during the last 3 months of no porn. I've already got 2, and I wasn't even trying — Showers' inability to procreate and jerking off as a sucky substitute (don't take that any further, brother).
What? There's more? Well, of course:
— No mind-cripling guilt in the morning ... (or afternoon, or whenever)
— Self-confidence has remained reasonable
— I'm not poluting my mind with fraudulent images and ideas of sexuality
— I haven't had the added stress of pushing my schedule (sometimes I'll look at porn right to the last second before I have to go to work in the afternoon)
— I'm getting enough sleep at night (or at least when I'm not, I have a better reason for being tired than watching naked people do things that are spiritually unhealthy)
— I'm honoring myself, my God, my future wife and my future children, all of which are more important to me than just about anything (yeah, I said I'm important to me, also another post)
— I'm turning to real affections, like God and close friends, who truly care about me, not a counterfeit that just wants to prey on me like a vulture on roadkill
— I'm reforming my habits
— I'm living a healthy(er) lifestyle
— I'm being good to myself.
So there's 10, take the first 2, and that's 12. Tell you what, I really like waking up guilt-free, and getting enough sleep. It makes the coffee a luxury instead of a necessity. And I have Cups coffee at the house, so it's really good.
So there's a lot of reasons to celebrate. I just had to remind myself.
That's just one example. It has dominated my thoughts like a nagging mother. Trying not to overanalyze, some of the reasons for this sucky week include:
1.) It's just habit and my cycle is coming around again;
2.) I've made close friends with a woman who I think is stunning, and we've shared some intimate (non-sexual) time together. There's some middleschool-style ambiguity (at least on my part), and it's getting my motor running.
So I've got no way to satisfy my sex drive other than making shower babies (thank God showers can't have babies, or I would have to work 4 jobs to pay child support). Jerking off is a really sucky substitute (also another reason to be thankful ... I hope), and so the whole porn-as-a-way-to-get-my-orgasm-fix is really bothering me. (Masterbation is an issue for another post.)
What I have decided to do as a way to encourage myself, is to share with you, and myself, all the things I am thankful that I have not had to deal with during the last 3 months of no porn. I've already got 2, and I wasn't even trying — Showers' inability to procreate and jerking off as a sucky substitute (don't take that any further, brother).
What? There's more? Well, of course:
— No mind-cripling guilt in the morning ... (or afternoon, or whenever)
— Self-confidence has remained reasonable
— I'm not poluting my mind with fraudulent images and ideas of sexuality
— I haven't had the added stress of pushing my schedule (sometimes I'll look at porn right to the last second before I have to go to work in the afternoon)
— I'm getting enough sleep at night (or at least when I'm not, I have a better reason for being tired than watching naked people do things that are spiritually unhealthy)
— I'm honoring myself, my God, my future wife and my future children, all of which are more important to me than just about anything (yeah, I said I'm important to me, also another post)
— I'm turning to real affections, like God and close friends, who truly care about me, not a counterfeit that just wants to prey on me like a vulture on roadkill
— I'm reforming my habits
— I'm living a healthy(er) lifestyle
— I'm being good to myself.
So there's 10, take the first 2, and that's 12. Tell you what, I really like waking up guilt-free, and getting enough sleep. It makes the coffee a luxury instead of a necessity. And I have Cups coffee at the house, so it's really good.
So there's a lot of reasons to celebrate. I just had to remind myself.
posted by Pack Time at 12:53 PM
1 Comments:
Hey man, thanks for the reminder that there are still reason's to celebrate. I've been losing focus of that and need a kick in the pants. The struggle goes on and 2:00 am is very lonely these days. Keep up the work and keep fighting for all of us. 2:00am is when I miss you being here in Athens.
rb
Post a Comment
<< Home